Friday, August 12, 2005

BI Reviews Popular Reality Shows

Today: Being Bobby Brown

Being Bobby freakin' Brown???

How about Being Casey Sheehan

Watch him spin in his grave...

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More Clarity

Have you ever blamed your cat for leaving a burn-hole in the couch? Me too! My wife pointed out that they don't have thumbs so it would be impossible for them to light a cigarette and then fall asleep on the couch.

Cats have a lot more cigarette-lighting ability than we give them credit for. When they set their mind to something, it's amazing what they can accomplish. One of my cats has a higher IQ than Whitney Houston! And my cat's IQ is like 74.

My point is - he can light a smoke and then fall asleep after a few cocktails. Hell, it's happened to me like a million times and I'm a human with an IQ of close to 90.

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Clarity

Did an ashe or something ever get in your glass and you're trying to get it out but it's really on the bottom of the glass and you're too drunk to realize it and you keep reaching into the glass to try to get the little friggin' thing out but it's not in your drink but on the bottom of the glass?

Me too!!! I was just doing that and I realized it wasn't in the actual glass but on the bottom so I just wiped it off the bottom of the glass and then it was gone.

Sometimes, life is so simple.

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Broken Cars, Broken Promises...

If you're ever in Virginia and your car breaks down, you might want to avoid this place.

Just sayin'.

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Joan d'Crawford

I think what Cindy Sheehan is doing is incredibly brave. She is standing up to the President, the Secret Service, the FBI, the CIA and the entire US Military. Someone recently compared her to the guy who took on the tank in Tiananman Square. That only scratches the surface. I'd compare her to Anne Frank who took on the Holocaust and those people who perpetrated it. Or Joan of Arc who killed some bad people while she was naked back in the 1200's. Or Ghandi who fought the British with his mighty Sitar. Or even Jesus Christ who invented the Passion and the Catholics. That's how heroic and brave and selfless and good and kind and great she is.

Plus, can you imagine how tough it must be to hang around with Michael Moore for a few weeks. In conclusion, Cindy Sheehan is not a self-centered, self-righteous, deluded media whore. Really.

(via Protein Wisdom)

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He's Around Here Somewhere, Damnit!

Paul's lurking around in Blogdom. I hate when he's all cryptic though. Someone who has more time than me, please go find him. And slap him around a little when you do.

Last seen here.

Prick.

Update: I don't really have an update, I just think it looks really cool and journalistical when you have Update in bold at the end of a post.

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

File Under: Really?!?

Salespeople lie. Honest.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Quote Of The Day

Gen. Norman Swarzkopf when some jackass in the media asked him a stupid question about whether we should show forgivenesss towards those who harbored terrorists:

"I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting."

Oh ho!!

Or not...

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Billy Bitches Part II

A couple of months ago I was in an accident and totalled my car, totally. Here's what happened - it was pouring rain and this stupid, stupid little girl decided to stop when the light turned yellow. She slams on her brakes, and naturally I slam on mine but I don't stop and plow into her. My car looks like an accordian and her's has a nick on the back bumper. No one is hurt. When the cop arrives, I tell him it was my fault seeing as I hit her. I blamed it on my brakes because it was their fault.

The cop issues me a ticket for following too closely. I mentioned to him that he wasn't really there to see wether I was in fact following too closely. To no avail. So I decide to fight it. Take it to the Man and all that.

So I go to court yesterday morning and the cop lied!!! In front of a judge, not to mention God. He said, "The defendant said it was his fault (true) and he said he wasn't paying attention (LIES!!! DAMN LIES!!)". I never said that, ever! But who is the judge going to believe - me or the fascist piggy? Yes, he believed the lying fascist pigdog liar!!

So naturally, I whipped out a gun and went on a rampage in the courtroo...oh wait. That wasn't me. But I did manage to look indignant as I exited the courtroom and I kind of slammed the door a little. That'll show 'em. Oinkin' Bastards.

I am so not buying Jam from the police dept. this year. They can find somebody else who doesn't have a misdemeanor moving violation to sell it to.

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Billy Bitches

I promised so here it is...

I bought an SUV from a friend of a friend. This guy purchased a really good extended warrantee. So good so far. The other day I start up the car and it immediately stalls. I try this a few more times, same result. Fine, I get it towed to the dealership. The service guy calls and tells me the damage - $550. I ask if it'll be covered under the warrantee. He says I have to come in with the original owner and sign some paperwork and then YES, it will be covered.

Peachy, so far. I go in yesterday with the original owner (OO) and we sign some paperwork with two nice finance people. The warrantee is now mine, hurray!! The two nice finance people assure me that the repairs are covered I just need to mosey on over to the service dept. and all will be well.

Get to the service dept and a different service guy runs the bill through the magic warrantee thingamabob and, viola! It's all covered!!

Except not for me...because the paperwork hasn't been processed yet and the warrantee is still under the OO's name. Plus, the work ticket was dated two days ago and the warrantee wasn't transferred until today. Too bad for Billy.

So to recap - a sales guy, a service guy and two nice finance people either lied to me or had no idea what they were talking about when they told me it would be covered. I would have never authorized the fucking work if I thought it wouldn't be covered. So I'm in the process of raising some serious hell. I'm not happy right now.

If anyone has any advice on how to get my money back, I'm all ears.

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

You All Suck

15 fucking hits today?? I mean really, people. I don't know why I even bother. Maybe that's the problem. I haven't bothered in three days to write anything. Well, wait till tomorrow. I had a really shitty day today and I plan on bitching about it tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

Or not.

I don't really care anymore.

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