Sunday, September 11, 2005

My Crappy Dining Room Chandelier

Okay, that didn't work. Either I'm too tall or the fucking dining room ceiling is too short but I ended up standing there with a chord around my neck and a big tick bite on my arm.

The Cancer mocks me.

I've decided that I'll kill myself tomorrow in the sun room where there are 15 foot ceilings and the ceiling fan is a little more stable. Tonight I'll sleep and dream of a world where there is no Arm Cancer or big ticks sticking out of my arm and when I pull the big bulging blood-filled tick out, it's head isn't stilled lodged in me, and daisies blossom and levees don't break and puppies run the world from their skypods and decree that everyone be happy and Arm Cancer doesn't exist unless it manifests itself in Chimpy McHitler.

When I lick my arm scab, it tastes like burning.



Comments-[ comments.]

Nothing To See Here, Ignore Bill's Puss, Keep Moving...

I'm pretty sure I have Arm Cancer. Silly? Let me explain. First I got a pinced nerve on my left neck, shoulder and arm and my hand went numb occasionally. That was fine except it started happening a lot. My hand was numb and I couldn't lift my head. Then something happened to my elbow - Elbow Cancer. The muscles and joints started hurting. Finally, to complete my Arm Cancer, a tick, and not just any tick, but the mackdaddy of all ticks, lodged itself in my left arm and stayed there, without my knowledge, for like two days.

Consequently, I have a one inch round hole on my arm, the one with cancer, with a 1/8 of an inch BLACK HOLE in the middle of the BIG ASS ROUND HOLE. So, I either have Lyme Disease or I have Rocky Mountain Spotted Oyster Disease. Neither of which is very appalling.

I just turned 41 yesterday and was hoping to not die in the next 30 years or so. Unfortunately, that's not to be. Arm Cancer, especially Left Arm Cancer is a tough thing to beat. That's why this will be my final post. I have decided to end my life in my dining room. I will hang myself from the chandelier.

Thank you all for your support but this is for the best. I just can't live without my left arm. Goodbye left arm. Oh, and goodbye my darling wife.



Comments-[ comments.]
eXTReMe Tracker